One of the hardest challenges of going gluten-free is the social pressures around food.

People assume you are not eating cake because its fattening and unhealthy (especially if you are under-weight due to coeliac disease). They may take this as a judgement on them eating the cake and want you to participate in sharing their "guilty secret". They may feel you are refusing their gift, their expression of love, that you are putting a "fad" above politeness and their feelings.

Food is how we celebrate, it's how we often show love to others, it's how we come together and feel part of a tribe, whether our family, friends or our community.

And this obviously doesn't stop at the cake - it is the whole buffet, the set menu at a wedding or work meal,  or the home-cooked meal of family favourites.

If you have gone gluten-free I am sure you will relate to some part of this. And I can't say that there is an easy answer to this problem - it is an important part of our culture, sharing and giving around food. But it does get easier with time, and the most important thing I can say is that, having just that one piece of cake will do you harm.

Social indulgence in gluten just to "make things easier" can come in many forms - cake, beer, buffets, or normal gravy poured across the gluten free meal. But for someone diagnosed with coeliac, each time they have just one piece of gluten, they trigger antibodies that last 3 months. Creating harm in the body for the next 3 months.

So, imagine the scenario...

• Indulging with just one mince pie at Christmas
• Oh, and that bite of a hot-cross bun at Easter
• Then there was that burger at Simon and Hannah's summer barbeque
• And, of course in October I couldn't completely refuse the birthday cake Granny had made for me (she struggles to understand this "wheat thing")

Oh, we've only had 4 incidents where we've "slipped" but we've spent 12 months with antibodies and damage to our body caused by inflammation and our immune systems reaction to gluten!

So, it really is worth saying no, every time.

Some ways to make this easier can include, asking in advance how you can make it less stressful for them (they may be really worried about "poisoning" you by mistake), what to expect/what substitutes would fit in best, offering to bring the pudding - a gluten-free indulgence together. Or bringing your main dish and instant gluten-free gravy, so that they can provide you with vegetables to go with it.

Acknowledging people's feelings can help - appreciating their efforts to bring everyone together with a meal. Saying that you appreciate the love they have put into that, but...

Sometimes this can be easier if you describe it in a way that people can relate to. Sometimes this is using the term "wheat allergy" so people take it more seriously. Sometimes it is saying "if I eat that it will be like me giving myself food poisoning for a week". Or "I really miss sharing a piece of cake with you, but unfortunately it makes me ill so I'd love to find something else we can share instead". 

Finding the right thing to say can take time and practice and often depends on the person you're speaking to. But it does get easier, and you do find new ways to share with others. Just remember to love yourself and your body first, so you have the health to enjoy sharing in new ways with loved ones.